Okay, listen. I know that graphics aren’t the be-all and end-all of games. I know that it isn’t just about polygone count and realistic physics simulation. I agree, it’s a pain in the ass when a new game comes out and you can’t play it because your six-month old computer just can’t hack it. I do realise that stories were just as gripping, characters just as appealing (maybe even more so) back in the six-bit pixel-era. I was there. I played them. I get it.

But you know what? I fucking love graphics.

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Princesses. For the most part, they’re nothing but trophy wives for video game protagonists; vapid and spineless pieces of admittedly hot meat. Many, aside from their glowing cardboard cut-out personalities, are also great at providing little or no help in sticky situations that they frequently get themselves into. Furthermore, after risking life and limb for these harlots, the biggest reward you get is a peck on the cheek. Well, okay, sometimes, you also get some sickeningly cute giggle or a bat of an eyelash. Sometimes. That’s if you can manage to behave.

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Is plot important to a video game? Tetris managed without it, Sim City is hardly the stuff of novels, and Sonic revolved around a blue hedgehog and an egg-man. Plot was often consigned to the manuals for earlier games, whilst fighting games, racing games and shooters needed only the thinnest of excuses to send you into the fray.

The first games that featured imaginative story were the text-based adventure games. The first adventure game I ever played was an Atari game called Lords of Time. Featuring excessive amounts of time travel and the collection of several ’symbolic items’, the puzzles were horrendously difficult, but the story implanted in me a love of puzzle games that has never faded - although the genre itself sadly did.
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Don’t you just love the cell phone in GTA IV? I’ve only played about an hour of the game, but I’m already in love with that feature. It is, of course, just one aspect of many. A small thing. But then it is the attention to detail, the sheer loving polish on a game, that elevates it above the crowd. You can find driving games, shooting games, and gangster games anywhere. You can’t find one with a cell phone that works as well as that though. I haven’t accessed the GTA IV internet yet, but I’ve heard it’s hot stuff - and another incredibly detailed piece of work.

When we think about the great games - the games that we replay long after the graphics are dated and the game play is old hat - it is usually some small thing that we remember. For example, take my favorite game of all time. Final Fantasy 7 had a lot to recommend it, but the thing that stood out to me was the fact that every character had an individual walk. Tifa had a bit of a mince, that belied her martial arts expertise, whilst Cid had a macho stride that made him look rather stupid when he ran. Vincent was acrobatic as hell, whilst Yuffie was a lanky teenager. The walk bled over into everything, their gestures when talking, their victory dance, and it even helped show Cloud’s change of character post-OMG-I’m-not-Zack.

For a sprite, that was some pretty incredible acting.
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I love to reminisce about the good old MIDI gaming days. The days when I would play an RPG and obsess over midis. There’s some part of me, deep down, that still loves those clangy, high pitched musical notes. Even after I buy the instrumental CD or what have you. I loved games like Thousand Arms, that had an in game jukebox. I could sit and listen to that thing for hours. Admittedly, I never enjoyed the terrible electronic music from those hilariously bad tiger hand-held games toys. Even I have to draw a line somewhere.

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I likes my women hard to get, with strong arms, a pretty face, and good cooking skills! Knowing how to raise livestock is a must. I spend most of my day out there in the fields, plowin’. Yeah. It’s a tough life. Especially with hurricanes and blizzards on the horizon, ready and willing to knock my houses and barns over. Did I mention my crops? They’re amazing. I mean, honestly, if you make a pie with one of my apples, you will likely fall out of your chair in ecstasy. My produce is just that good.

I bet I sound insane, don’t I? Don’t get me wrong, I am. But in this case I’m referring to my overwhelming love of the Harvest Moon series. I can pick up a Harvest Moon game and not move from that same spot for days. There’s just something so addictive about it. At first, I was ashamed of my love of the series. It stemmed from the experience I had when I first bought the n64 version of the game at a Gamestop. I plunked the box down on the counter, excited at the prospect of trying a new game. The guy working the counter looked down at it with some sort of disdain, then back up at me.

“Ew, that game sucks. It’s a girl game.”

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