Deep down, I have a burning desire to kick the shit out of a mob. Any mob. It could be a zombie, an orc, a dragon, a military officer or, hell, even the graphical representation of your mother-in-law. Doesn’t matter. It could even be plural. Actually, the more the better, yes. Spread the zombie infection across an entire city. Incite the tribe of orcs into frenzied attack. Invite over your whole family-in-law.

That destruction is all well and good, especially when enacted in the company of battle companions. But see, I’ve got a problem. I’m a picky gamer. I like to be comfortable.

What makes a game comfortable to me? I’ll talk about what makes them uncomfortable.

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We are smack in the era of fantastic MMORPGs. There are a lot of classics like Guild Wars, CoX, Ultima Online, etc. There are also a lot of upcoming games that show a lot of promise. Age of Conan, Warhammer– the list goes on. Promise isn’t everything, of course; a lot of hyped games fall flat on their faces. Aion, for one, is ticking me and others off due to the lack of progress with setting a retail date. Seriously, this is somewhere around the third or fourth beta, and there’s no news. Totally poor management. A general release estimate or something would tide me over, but no, nothing yet. Just more betas. Bad signs don’t bode well in such a competitive business–and MMORPGs are as competitive as they get now.

World of Warcraft, however, putters on without any hint of stopping as its competition races to dethrone it.

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As internet gaming grows more mainstream by the day, every company is looking for the next big idea to cash in on with a multiplayer mode. With Age of Conan and Warhammer Online coming out this year, the MMORPG market is very alive, if not exactly promising. Still, one has to wonder–what if there were something more? Something a little different? Something not a rehash of a rehash its with pretty ponies and stone castles?

For a while I’ve thought about it and done nothing, forsaking the genre completely and daydreaming of Left 4 Dead. That all changes tonight, however, because tonight I present you the top five MMORPGs that don’t exist. In all likelihood they’ll never be made, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t. Because I know I’d buy them and you would too.

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I have a scenario in my head. Turning to my friend I say, “I want to be an engineer like Bulma, that way I can just generally be useless and need to be rescued all the time. Then eventually I’ll somehow have a kid with a guy who seems totally clueless to anything besides standing around going, ‘HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA’.”

He laughs and says, “No, what we need to do is be namekians. You can be Flute, I’ll be Bassoon, and we can form the infamous ‘Woodwind Trio’ with someone else.”

Does this scenario confuse you? Do you feel like you’ve just stepped into a bad anime fanfiction site? What does this have to do with games? Well, I’ll tell you. Dragon Ball. Online. No, I’m not kidding. Just like Hello Kitty, game makers are looking to cash in on another big name anime.

To answer your first question, no you can’t play a Saiyan. QQ.

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With summer fast approaching and bringing with it the joy of no school, time in the sun, sweet sweet air-conditioning, and everything else, I’m highly anticipating the time I finally get to spend without being graded constantly. The upside (and possible downside) to all this is a sudden burst of free time. Veteran MMO players groan at the thought of the zerg of teenagers pouring back in barrens chat. Trust me, I’m right there with you.

If you’re like me, you may find sometimes, with that nice extra amount of free time, you being to grow bored of the things you’re playing. Naturally, I could always go outside and maybe play a sport, or perhaps take up stamp collecting. But, um, no. I’m a gamer. And if you’re here reading this, so are you. A lot of us freeload…er…gamers, may or may not have the money to spend on picking up a new console game or MMO every couple of months. Because of this, I’ve decided to try to be helpful and put together a list of free options for summer gaming fun.

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As Spring approaches I grow more anxious about the impending release of Aion: Tower of Eternity for the PC. This game has been on my “Oh God, OH GOD I want this game” list since one of my good friends sent me a few links to the videos of it from E3. It’s been in development for a good while, while the company making it has released tantalizing details sporadically so as to keep the drooling public (me) hooked and on the edge of our seats until it does come out.

I’m not going to compare Aion to any other MMORPGs on the market because doing so would be foolish and detrimental to all MMOs out there. Each online game, as far as I’ve seen, has brought something wholly unique to the gaming table as a whole, and comparing them in a bizarre contest just does them a huge disservice. Some people like World of Warcraft, others like Guild Wars. Saying any one is better than others based on any criteria (be it number of players, graphical capabilities, etc.) just doesn’t work. Surely there is a standard that all MMORPGs aspire to reach, but if they were all carbon copies of each other. Well. That would be pretty damn boring.

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