Every gamer has their problems. Some are exceptionally loud, others don’t like to share their controllers. These quirks aren’t necessarily bad, but sometimes they just get in the way. I’ve had friends who could only play while eating. When I was littler I was really horrible about giving my controller up to someone if we were taking turns on a game. Yes, I was one of those: “No you gave your turn to me…again” people. Also, my friend and I used to lean to the side we were turning whenever we played Mario Kart on the SNES. I think we thought that if we leaned in real life, we’d turn corners better in the game.

My problems have changed over the years, but I’m here to admit my latest issue. Gaming puts me to sleep. And I don’t mean this in the negative sense that the games are boring or whatever. No, gaming is like the warm milk and blanket to my inner child. It’s perplexing.

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Cars are boring. What? They are. Brake, gas, honk. Brake, gas, honk. Turn left, turn right. Flip that guy off. Psh, so old. Video game characters have all the luck, really. They get totally amazing mounts to ride all over their pre-programmed world. Playing through some games got me to wondering which mounts I’d love to have in real life. Obviously, not all of them are practical. But still, beats the Hell out of the rising gas prices, eh? Yeah, I should stay away from the political commentary, sorry. On with my list!

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Before anyone runs to Jack Thompson to use me as an example of games being a bad influence, allow me to explain. Gaming has been a staple of my life since childhood. Back in the days of blips and bleeps and tiny little pixelated characters, I was an unusually impressionable child. I watched movies like The Changeling and The Amityville Horror, and attempted to play some of the more grisly games that were allowed at the time. Like a suicidal moth to a particularly hot flame, I would just keep going back without realizing the potential long-term damage I was doing to my overtly fragile psyche.

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Shit-slinging is a pretty big and entertaining part of gaming culture, particularly where games played over the Internet are concerned. Competition combined with the relative anonymity of sitting behind the computer or television screen, rather than face to face with the person you’re insulting, can breed within even the nicest of people a sense of uncontrollable nerdrage.

Personally, I like it.

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Pocket Monsters have long been a staple for Nintendo’s empire. With catchy songs, flashing lights and adorable pokemon, who could resist the game? Despite a repetitive storyline, weirdos like me pick up incarnation after incarnation of this series.

And come on, even if you aren’t a Pokemon fan, you’ve probably wondered about the pokemon that didn’t make the cut. Surely with the large numbers of critters in the game, an even larger number of test designs have been left out. Well, good news for us–I just happen to have the scoop on a few of the pokemon rejects.

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Are you bored with your job? Perhaps you’re tired of taking orders from someone you hate? Or maybe you don’t even have a job at all? Regardless of your situation, if you want work, I have great news, dear reader! Our inbox has recently been inundated with requests for people to fill some out of the ordinary job positions.

You’d just better act quickly before they’re gone!

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