Pocket Monsters have long been a staple for Nintendo’s empire. With catchy songs, flashing lights and adorable pokemon, who could resist the game? Despite a repetitive storyline, weirdos like me pick up incarnation after incarnation of this series.

And come on, even if you aren’t a Pokemon fan, you’ve probably wondered about the pokemon that didn’t make the cut. Surely with the large numbers of critters in the game, an even larger number of test designs have been left out. Well, good news for us–I just happen to have the scoop on a few of the pokemon rejects.

Sewageon
The Global Warming Pokemon
Type: Poison
Pokedex entry: Despite its almost cute appearance, this pokemon’s cells have been drastically altered by pollution.
Backstory: The first one was an eeveelution proposed by the mean green propaganda machine: Al Gore. It was initially going to be introduced into Diamond/Pearl along with Glaceon and Leafeon. The evolution method involved having to trek through the Veilstone city sewers for a mysterious barrel of toxic waste. Unfortunately the Veilstone sewer dungeon wasn’t finished in time for launch, so this poor environmental warning of a pokemon was cut at the last minute as there was no way to actually evolve it.

Starting Moves
Send in PETA
5/5 pp
Calls for a mob to spray the opponent’s pokemon in red paint, drastically lowering its accuracy.

Sewage Bomb
15/15 pp
Pelts the opponent in sludge, badly poisoning it.

Melt
10/10pp
Breaks its cells down, raising its own evasion.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Toperm
The Tadpole Pokemon
Type: Water
Pokedex entry: These little guys can be found swimming happily at the mouths of rivers.
Backstory: The next monster was initially a pre-evolved form of politoed. It was supposed to be designed after a tadpole. After testing the images during one of the consumer satisfaction sessions, the creators realized they had made a terrible mistake and pulled all the Toperm’s sprites and data out of the game. It was for the best anyway. Like Magikarp and Feebas, they’re ultimately useless until they evolve.

Starting Moves

Splash
99/99pp
The same crap skill that Magikarps and Feebas learn. It does absolutely nothing but waste time.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Frinklemon
The Sad Pokemon
Type: Normal/Psychic
Pokedex entry: Originally the experiment that came before eevee’s creation, the scientists declared it a failure and threw it out. They grossly underestimated its ability to survive and reproduce by budding.
Backstory: Frinklemon was created for Diamond and Pearl based off a poll posted on the internet. Users were asked to design a pokemon, then vote for their favorite. Of course, being the internet, a cat macro won by a landslide and thus Frinklemon was born. The poor cat was ultimately unfinished due to the unusual amount of cat-like pokemon already in the game. Sorry internet.

Starting Moves

Macro
5/5pp
Large, badly spelled words appear on the opponents screen, rendering them either annoyed or bemused.

Little Far
10/10pp
Flings stars that have a high accuracy rate.

Blank Stare
15/15pp
Stares blankly in two opposite directions, causing confusion in the opponent.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Decaymon
The Zombie Pokemon
Type: Ghost/Ground
Pokedex entry: At night it claws its way up from the depths of the graveyards. The only warning of its impending approach is the wet sound of its entrails dragging behind it.
Backstory: From the get-go the game producers were wary of putting Decaymon into the game. They were worried that its unusually macabre appearance would clash with the cutesy feel of the game. Originally meant to spice up the selection of ghost pokemon, Decaymon was eventually scrapped when a company employee wearing a promotional Decaymon mascot costume caused a group of visiting third graders to burst into tears.

Starting Moves

Death Glare
10/10pp
Its disgusting visage causes enemies to be paralyzed in horrified disgust.

Bile
20/20pp
Flings disgusting bodily juices onto the opponent, causing it to automatically flee from battle.

Eat Brains
15/15pp
Consumes the brains of the enemy pokemon, causing it to faint or be badly poisoned.

____________________________________________________________________________________

DA ROCK
The Durp Pokemon
Type: Rock
Pokedex entry: Commonly found in caves, most trainers discover it only after they’ve tripped over it. Perhaps the constant head trauma is the source of this pokemon’s unique appearance?
Backstory: One of the oldest test designs never used is DA ROCK. Intended as a pre-evolution form of Geodude, the designers hoped the comical visage of DA ROCK would entertain players as they were forced to wander aimlessly through that tenth cave dungeon of the game. Nobody is quite sure why this little guy was left out of the games. Personally, I think it’s kind of cute.

Starting Moves

Like a stone
50/50pp
Sits and stares. The rock equivalent of splash.

Explosion
5/5pp
Sacrifices itself in a massive explosion that causes major damage to any enemy pokemon.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Take pity on these poor little guys. Hopefully they’ll be rightfully put into the later versions of the pokemon games. I know I’d love to see them back. I can’t wait to have a full team of DA ROCKS in my hall of fame!

Slight Disclaimer: In case you couldn’t tell, I made all of these up. Including the artwork. Give me some good input so that I know whether to do articles like this in the future. Also, feel free to visit my gallery to see more of my obnoxious artwork.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 16th, 2008 at 9:17 pm and is filed under Character Design, Nintendo DS, Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.